Uncle Raymond goes in to battle for the housewife … not.

UNCLE Raymond Ackerman, the housewives' friend who used to be fond of referring to "she, the consumer" is never slow to see the movement of a bandwagon, or a slouch when it comes to jumping on it. So it comes as no surprise that the old chap has seen fit to once again roll out his old attack on the regulated pump price of petrol and diesel. To put it his way, all will be well if only the pump price of petrol and diesel were free to go up and down. "Our stance on price fixing and monopolies is born of a fundamental belief in the free market, and the benefits for consumers that accrue from vigorous competition. This is particularly the case in a developing economy, where growth is at the top of the agenda, particularly now," says Ackerman. "Any deregulation of a basic commodity is always great for consumers, who buy fuel as regularly as groceries," he noted -- and thus revealed Pick 'n Pay's true motive. You see, dear readers, Uncle Raymond wants the pump price of petrol and diesel to be de-regulated so that he can build massive petrol stations outside his supermarkets. There he can offer cheap petrol and diesel to lure housewives to his stores. Will his super stations employ pump attendants? Well, perhaps, to begin with -- until dolly birds in short skirts bring in more drivers or until the first wage dispute, whereupon, with unctuous reluctance, self-service will be introduced. What will happen to all the mom and pop service stations so conveniently situated in our neighbourhoods? Alas, they will go to the wall and the pump jockey jobs will go with them. And what about the price of fuel in, say, Agenys? Ah, the price there will go through the roof, as will any farm produce from similar rural areas. Finally, you can kiss your caravan holidays goodbye. You may be able to fill up your vehicle on the coast, but the further you travel inland, the higher the price will climb until -- if you are not careful and go too far -- you might need a bank loan to buy fuel get back. Thank you, Uncle Raymond.