Shell voted the “best Company to work for” ? Pull the other one.

Huzzah!. Shell is the best employer to work for in the whole country!.

Some very big favours must have been called in to achieve this masterpiece in corporate spin.

After an ignominious retreat out of Cape Town to their main markets in Gauteng, Shell is now a sorry rump of what it once was.

After some initial disasters in trying to persuade staff that “going north are good”, Shell managed to shed at least 40% of its Cape Town workforce in this cunning move. Insiders believe that this was simply a good triple header stratagem to shed unneeded staff while at the same time down-sizing and relocating. And, by the way, everybody that stayed also took hefty pay-cuts because they were “re-graded”. Sounds like win, win, win, win,win for the those weasel-minded boys and girls that print “Human Resource Practitioner” on their business cards.

And then these same really very clever people found that they were unable to replace the lost talent in Johannesburg. So they hired busloads of very, very expensive expats to Johannesburg.It's called a “hardship posting”and that comes with barrel-loads of cash attached. Maybe the research only covered these expats who are laughing all the way to the bank and have every right to be thankful to Shell.

And here’s the kicker: Spigot hears that there are some very senior managers who insist on keeping their bases in Cape Town and who have simply refused to relocate. Result? Some really heavy bills from SAA and a new lifestyle known as “weekender family” life. So much for work-life balance.

With all of this going on Spigot can only conclude that the Shell HR department did a sweet-heart deal with the research house because this really does not sound like such a wonderful place to work.

And it yet again goes to show that if you want to really screw up a company big-time – hire non-productive, devious and value-sucking “HR Practitioners” (AKA the Corporate KGB).

DOWN A LION - FEEL UNSATISFIED

The South African Petroleum Industry Association (Sapia) now tells us that fuel imports are likely to become a permanent feature because local refiners cannot produce at their full capacity. The reason? Well, hum, it's because the bureaucrats that insist on regulating every aspect of the fuels industry couldn't decide on the specifications they wanted for unleaded fuel. The result was refiners took the minimal capital route (clever thinking, chaps). The new specifications were promulgated six months after the industry had started providing fuel to these specifications. And six months after Sapref, for example, had opened its new Large Increase In Octane project, otherwise known as LION. So, all crude refineries in South Africa have to import high octane blend stock and export a low octane petrol blend. The lower production rate is not the only problem. There is an acute shortage of skilled manpower, especially of operations and maintenance staff -- the very people responsible for day-to-day operations. Good lord, can this be true? There must surely be a bottomless pit of historically disadvantaged people who are just dying to work in an oil refinery. And we all know that it is just the reluctance of old style managers that they are not being employed.

NOT GAS, JUST HOT AIR

REMEMBER how Eskom proudly announced that they would have two new 1 050 megawatt turbines operating in the Western Cape before next winter? No need to worry, consumers, all is under control. Well, this week Eskom's pride turned into embarrassment when they had to admit that, after all, Mossel Bay and Atlantis would not get the turbines promised due to "delays in the finalisation of environmental-impact assessments". So, once more the Greenies have us all by the watsits. Now, who elected them? Spigot didn't.

MORE ON RELIANCE

Reliance Industries, who have just announced their purchase of Gulf African Petroleum Corp (GAPCO) has a new refinery due to come on stream in December 2008. It will produce 7,00,000 barrels of fuels every day. Makes Sapref look puny, doesn't it?

CIRCLE THE WAGONS, CHAPS!

THE INDIANS are coming to Tanzania's downstream oil industry, so stand by to face some aggressive marketing. Gulf Africa Petroleum Corporation (Gapco) has been bought by Reliance Industries . Word is they got Gapco for a song. More to the point is that Reliance Industries operates the world's third largest refinery at Jamnagar. It is also India's largest exporter of petroleum products. Listen to what a Reliance executive has to say about the deal; "The acquisition of Gapco helps us strategically as we now get access to a large chunk of the African market. Gapco is present in the three east African countries of Kenya, Tanzania and Uganda. Besides, it also has three large storage tanks, which will help us trade fuel" . ( Deyar Nather of iPayipi, take note). Gapco's three storage terminals in Tanzania, Kenya and Uganda and its 250 retail outlets are the main attraction apparently. That, and the fact that fuel prices in Tanzania are not controlled by the Government. Looks to Spigot like the cozy post-colonial dominance of the East African petroleum industry by the oil majors is due to end sooner than anyone thought. Might be a good time to flog to Reliance all those pesky service stations and stick to supplying the region from coastal installations. Let them take on the health and safety risks. Oh, but hang on to the aircraft fuel business and continue flogging motor oil -- the margins are too good. At any rate, its a good time to circle the wagons.

A slow but sure march of bureaucracy

THE slow but steady encirclement of the energy industry in South Africa by politicians and bureaucrats is now obvious. There always has been a strong element of government intervention in this a market -- Eskom, Petronet (now Transnet Pipelines) Sasol, Mossgas (Petrosa) are obvious examples. But think about what has happened lately (especially regarding the liquid fuels industry); a new regulatory body The National Energy Regulator (Nersa) now issues licences( ie permissions) on every aspect of the energy sector, down to who shall, or who shall not, run service stations, operate storage depots, construct pipelines, be employed; the threat of a windfall tax, followed by an increasingly cosy relationship between Government and Sasol who are now virtually compelled to build another coal-to-liquids-plant; the sudden emergence of all kinds of people with a claim to a share in the oil industry (sundry individuals with political connections who announce, on their business cards, that they are oil traders, the "Women in Energy" who claim their gender entitles them to support from the oil companies; shadowy companies who claim loudly that they can build new oil refineries; monster government plans to cover the Eastern Cape with Jatropha plantations to make bio-diesel; alcohol distilleries owned by farmers are popping up in the Maize Belt, people with no experience scrambling for licences to build oil pipelines .... And where, in all this, are the so-called oil majors? Do they plan to build more refineries? Are they planning to extend the ones they have? Are they prepared to follow mouth with money when it comes to the new infrastructure the country desperately needs? Nope. Just deafening silence. Fancy a long-term career with Shell SA, Chevron SA, BPSA, anyone?

As we wait for the golden goose to lay...

AS we wait for the golden goose to lay the egg of a National Energy Regulator (Nersa) pipeline licence for iPayipi (iPaypipi directors being more anxious than most) Spigot muses the possible outcome of there being three new petroleum product pipelines from the southern African coast to Egoli; the Petroline one from Matola and two from Durban, Transnet's and iPayipi's. Say they were all built now, would they all immediately be fully used? Certainly, one can assume Transnet's one would be, since, with its experience, it is likely to be more efficient at first, while the other two ironed out inevitable teething problems. But, after a while, each would be roughly on a par. Would this mean a price war as they jockey for custom? Would it mean a reduction in charges? Very likely, at least in the medium term. More to the point, would any reductions be passed on to the motorist? That would depend on how transparent pipeline pricing turns out to be. History is not encouraging on this point. Also, since Transnet is a quasi-State operation, it would not be in the State's interests to see its revenue dropping. Cabinet's feelings on strategic infrastructure being in private hands are well known, so Petroline and iPayipi are unlikely to find favour should they undercut Transnet's fees. Of course, the more competition there is the better, but anyone looking at putting R8 billion or so behind iPayipi might wait some time for their investment to pay back. Everything hinges therefore on continued economic growth. Place your bets, gentlemen.

Ricin for bio-fuel? Surely not.

SPIGOT does not want to sound alarmist but Reuters reports that the Mocambican Government is considering using Ricin as a base for bio-fuels. No doubt these worthies are aware that the first diesel engine was designed to run on castor oil, which comes from the same plant as Ricin, but do they also know the following about ricin?

• Ricin is a poison that can be made from the waste left over from processing castor beans. It can be in the form of a powder, a mist, or a pellet, or it can be dissolved in water or acid. Ricin is part of the waste “mash”produced when castor oil is made. People can breathe in ricin mist or powder and be poisoned. Ricin can also get into water or food and then be swallowed. Pellets of ricin, or ricin dissolved in a liquid, can be injected into people’s bodies. Depending on injection or inhalation, as little as 500 micrograms of ricin kills. 500 micrograms is the size of a pinhead. In 1978, Georgi Markov, a Bulgarian living in London, died when stabbed by a ricin-tipped brolly
• Ricin was found in Al Qaeda caves in Afghanistan.

Spigot's law of unintended consequences applies....

Foundations of sand?

SPIGOT undertands that on Friday last week, at the iPayipi Consortium public hearings into its application to the National Energy Regulator (Nersa)for a licence to build a Durban to Johannesburg pipeline , BP and Transnet put forward objections. If true, it may seem odd that BP should do so, seeing as their people (so to speak) are behind the iPaypi idea. The question is "How much are they behind iPaypi? So far, iPayipi has nothing solid in the can. No money. No expertise. No history. Zip. Their gamble is that once they get a licence they can parlay it into the considerable financial backing they need ie. R8-R12 billion -- at a rough guess. Spigot has no doubt they will get a licence, if only so Nersa can justify its bureaucratic existence. Nersa can then sit back and watch. Of course, who knows what has been "promised" by BP in conversations with iPayipi -- some of whose executives, I understand, have, in recent weeks and months, been in and out of the Waterfront head office of BP Africa, emulating the fiddler's elbow. Could it be that promises have been made of millions of litres of petroleum products flushing up to the Reef via iPaypi's still-to-be-built line? If so, Spigot would warn that such promises might vanish if the price of such transportation is not to BP's liking. Pretty sandy foundations on which to raise such mighty sums.

BUDDY, CAN YOU SPARE A LITRE?

THE National Oil Company of Zimbabwe (Noczim) an organisation that owns no oil, has built no service stations, developed no oil depots, operated no road tanker fleet, run no petroleum quality laboratories, whose sole purpose is bureaucratic and which, incidentally, has possibly the worst credit record in history, is travelling Africa with begging bowl outstretched. So far the bowl is empty. Having drawn a blank in Kuwait, Iran, Libya, Sudan and Angola, the Zimbawean mendicants are now trying their luck in Equatorial Guinea, a country that matches Zimbabwe in its attempts to emulate a gangster state. Here's an idea from Spigot: Why not try Venezuela? Send Spigot's commission ASAP. Diamonds are acceptable. Zimbabwe uses 3,5 million litres of diesel, three million litres of petrol and five million litres of Jet A1 daily. It needs about US$130 million a month to import fuel. Never mind the wheel, chaps, sleds are fine.

TEST YOUR SANITY ON GLOBAL WARMING

SPIGOT'S sources point out that the Heartland Institute has a quiz on Global Warming (yes, yawn if you must) that debunks the hysteria rather well. Written by a man with no connection to the institute but with a genuine scientific background, the quiz is the perfect antidote to the Chicken Lichen arguments of the Greenies. Link follows. http://www.globalwarmingheartland.org/GWQuiz/Testindex.html